Thursday, October 6, 2011

LORD draw me close to you

   on Thursday, September 8, 2011 at 8:25pm
As I was in Pittsburgh and Canada I had these thoughts that my life would be back to “normal” when I got back home to Houston. However Jimmy is not here and my life with never be back to the “normal” that I knew for the past 3 years. I have to create a new “normal” and to be honest I don’t want to. I just want my husband back. I know I will never have my husband back and that the next time I see him will be when I meet our Savior…he will be the next person I see, I am sure of that!
It is so hard for me to understand why all of this happened. It is so hard to “go on with life” like so many people tell you. I just want everything and everyone to stop and mourn my wonderful husband as much as I do. I understand that this is not going to happen, it isn’t even possible for most people to understand the love that we shared. We live in a society that laughs in the face of love, that says if you don’t like this person then just get rid of them, that divorces people over anything. The love that we had was unconditional, it was pure, Jimmy loved me as Christ loves His Church. I know without a doubt that my husband would have given up his life for me, as Christ did for each of us here on Earth. Sometimes I find myself begging God to let him come back to me. Then I realize just how selfish this is to ask. Jimmy is with the LORD himself and who am I to ask to have him back? Jesus wanted him in Heaven and not only is it selfish for me to want him back it is not what Jimmy or the LORD would want.
I can imagine Jimmy worshiping Jesus as His feet…I can see that great smile on his face…I can hear him clapping as he sings to Him. My husband is in a better place and I have to give him back to the LORD as he was only a gift to me in the first place. LORD I need you to help my heart heal. I want to love you more than anyone else in the world. Please draw me close to you in this hard time.

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