On the way to my first day of work I had a meltdown, not the best thing to happen when you are driving. I was not surprised that it happened in the first place though. Going back to work for me was bitter sweet for me...I was and am happy that the Lord blessed me with this job however starting anything new without Jimmy is like trying to move on without half of yourself. I don't think anyone can understand this kind of hurt if they have not been through it themselves. When you go onto the next step it is saying yet again that they are really gone and not coming back. Every new milestone is like a slap in the face or another reminder that you are alone. I wish it was not this hard for sure...but it is and there isn't anything I can do about it other than "take it to the Lord in prayer". Jimmy told me that all the time especially when it was about him annoying me :)
Jimmy was my biggest cheerleader...oh how I miss that. No matter how little the feat Jimmy would tell me how very proud of me he was. One of the last times he said it to me it was about spending less than $100 at the grocery store...how cute is that? He was so sweet...really the best husband in the world. I know that other people are proud of me too but Jimmy made sure to tell me all the time. He would tell me every day that I was the best wife in the world...what I wouldn't give to hear that one more day...that and "I love you". Oh the sweet "I love you"....the last words Jimmy said on this earth, oh how I am thankful for those sweet words.
So as for work, it was a good day. I went and was welcomed with open arms by all that are there. I really like what I will be doing there and those that I will be serving. I am thankful to the LORD for giving me the blessing of work and for this specific job. He really does know best for each of us. I am thankful for this job, I am also thankful that they understand that this is a very difficult time in my life. This is going to be a very good thing in my life I just need the time to grieve the lack of the future Jimmy and I had planned. It is hard that this is not what I thought my life would be like at this point...at the end of this month Jimmy and I would have been married for 2 1/2 years this is not what anyone would expect at this point in a marriage. I really feel like I am swimming up stream...maybe I always have been in my life and I shouldn't even expect anything else at this point.
LORD thank you for this new step in my life, thank you for showing me the next step that you had for me. Thank you for the quiet time I have in the car with such a long drive to and from work, thank you for the exact amount of money I asked you for. LORD, you alone are good! Thank you for always taking care of me even when it does not seem like it to me. Thank you LORD you are always taking care of me no matter what it looks like to me.