4 months down and a lifetime to go

I have heard so many times "you are a strong woman"

I have some thoughts on this now looking back on everything that has happened in my life. You do not become a strong person by having an easy life, that is for sure. When someone has everything handed to them all of their life they might seem strong on the outside but I would bet they are not as strong as you might think. If our views, our outlooks, our beliefs, our thoughts, our emotions, our standards, our faith, the very core of our being is not ever challenged then we have no reason to be strong.

"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. ²⁷And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it." ~~Matthew 7:24-26

How do you know that the house is strong? You will never really know if it's very strength is not tested. I have been through so many trials/tests in my life it was either I become strong though Christ, or I just run the other way on the trial and on Christ. In my life there have been times where I ran away from a trial and from Christ...I am glad this is not that time. If it were not for Christ and the relationship I have with Him I would not be as strong as I am. If we allow the LORD to change us through our trial then we become strong through Him. Most of the time the hard things we go through are the very thing that will change us to become more like HIM...

"For my name’s sake I defer my anger,
for the sake of my praise I restrain it for you,
that I may not cut you off.
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;
I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.
 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it,
for how should my name be profaned?
My glory I will not give to another.

~~Isaiah 48:9-11

For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

~~2 Corinthians 4:6-10

Our faith will be tested in order for the LORD to know who if for HIM and who is against HIM. The only way we can go through a trial and be strong through it is to cling to Jesus. We have to learn to rely on Him through the good times and the bad times in our lives...how do you expect to learn how to do that if you are never tested? God knows how strong of a person we are with and without Him, He also knows how strong our faith is...we are tested not for His benefit but for our own benefit!

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

~~James 1:2-4

I am just realizing that this testing is not for God's benefit whatsoever...HE already knows the outcome before it happens. This testing is all for us to prove to ourselves that we can't do anything without HIM, and when we trust (rely on with confidence of the outcome) in the LORD no matter what it builds our faith in HIM...it does not build HIS confidence in us HE already knows what the outcome is and how we will react to all of it. Wow what a realization. The trials that we go through in life are 100% for our benefit and is shows just how much HE loves us! HE wants us to have a stronger faith, HE wants us to trust HIM, HE wants us to love HIM more than anything else...it is all about bringing us closer to HIM and in a way that could not have happened if we did not go through the trial!! Thank you Lord for this realization!!

Today marks 4 months of Jimmy being in Heaven with Jesus...no more trials, no more hurt, no more tears, no more pain, no more people pleasing (only Jesus pleasing)! Jimmy, you are in the best place of all and as much as I love you and would like to have you here...I know that you are now 100% healed...no more diabetes...no more crohn's disease...no more pain...you are the way that God intended you to be in the first place!! I also know that your desire to have relationships is being fulfilled...the past is behind you...you look onto Jesus and do not need anything else. I would love to have you here on earth with me...but that is just me being selfish, you wouldn't even want to come back if you had the choice.

Thank God for testing my faith in order to me to trust (rely on with confidence of the outcome) you completely!!