I just came to the realization that I have not had a panic attack in at least a month. After Jimmy passed away I was having small panic attacks at least once a day, I guess it is just another one of those things you have to deal with as a widow. I was sitting here thinking...I have not had one in quite awhile. The very first thing I did when I came to this realization was thank the Lord for HIS goodness! Maybe this means that I am not so overwhelmed anymore. I guess that is a good sign :)
I also came to another realization, I am more like Jimmy than I thought now. I was freaking out when the checking account went below $1,000...yes I typed that right...ha ha. I used to be the one that was just fine if the account was at $20 as long as we had food in the fridge and gas in the cars, but now I feel that feeling that I have to support myself like never before. As much as I don't like it I think it is good for me. I have never really been one to think about how much money it takes to support yourself. I just thought that if there was food and the bills were paid everything was ok...I never even thought about the future. Thank God Jimmy did!!! So now as I start this new job I am thinking about saving money and retirement also...guess it is time to grow up.
I have been reflecting on how much Jimmy taught me in the 3 1/2 years I knew him. He taught me to save money for retirement, to make sure there is enough money in the bank to take care of an emergency if needed, to be positive no matter what, to not complain under any circumstances, to love without conditions, to trust the LORD with everything, to pray without ceasing, to not worry about every little thing and the list goes on and on. One of the best things he taught me is to laugh and to make people laugh...it is medicine for the soul. Jimmy liked to make others laugh, it was like a mission for him. The Saturday before he passed away he was in rare form. I got to a point when I was like what is wrong with you today...he said I don't know. The funny thing is, most of the time when I would just be so annoyed I could not take it anymore I would say "that is enough" and he would stop...that day I never made him stop. Guess it was the Holy Spirit telling me to let him do it because I would miss it so much in just a few short months.
I was so lucky to be Jimmy's wife, Thank You LORD!!