The other day I organized all the mounds of paperwork I have into manila folders then tonight I organized the folders into a hanging folder file. Then I went onto organized all of my scraps of paper for making cards/scrapbooking into files of their own. This might sound a lot like going in circles on the hamster wheel again and again however...
it was just a tiny bit of order in my world of chaos!!
Now I can find any one of the millions of pieces of paper I am buried under in a very short amount of time in compared to before the organization. Until now when I would call someone regarding anything...a retirement account, a credit card company, medical billing, our car lender or the bank (this is not inclusive by any means) I would have to sort through a mound of papers that would completely overwhelm me! Now that I don't have to sort through an entire lifetime worth of paperwork in order to make one phone call...maybe it won't feel SO bad when they refuse to talk to me.
Now that my craft area is somewhat organized maybe I will make more cards...it was so incredibly hard to make the first card after the last one I made to go in the casket with Jimmy. then once I started to make some here and there I would just leave the scraps of paper all around, I have no idea why in the world I would do this since I normally am a very organized person. Could it be depression? Could it be avoidance? Could it be lack of caring? I am sure it could be all of these or one...take your pick. There are times when it is all and then there are times when it is just one. Maybe I am starting to accept this as my life and my cross to bear, maybe I am learning to be content no matter what, maybe God is comforting me in a way I have never felt before. No matter which one of these or all of these that it is I am glad that it is starting to happen.
You see organization is the one thing in my life I feel like I can somewhat control, and those of you that know me well know that I like to be in control. I have to learn that my life is not mine to control...and never really has been. We like to control the things we can just to make it feel like we have control, in reality God has control of it all in the first place. I can imagine Him looking down at me and shaking His head thinking when will she learn? I know He knows this answer and that He is far more patient than me (very thankful that He is)...if this whole world was up to me I would have given up a long time ago. I am thankful that I am not the one in charge...because I would not have my 2nd, 3rd, 101st chance that the Lord gives me! I do believe that God does want order in our lives and this is one way for me to have that right now. Thank You LORD for your order, your control, your concern for my life!