Thursday, December 22, 2011


While everyone else is out shopping for the perfect gifts or baking cookies with their families I still do not want Christmas to come. This week would normally be the most exciting week of the year for me yet this year I am dreading Christmas even coming. I hope that one day I will be excited about Christmas again but that will not be this year for sure.

As I sat in the airport just a few days ago I was feeling like Christmas should not even be coming at all. I was thinking that most of the people there where traveling to see their family and friends for the holidays and here I was wanting so bad to be in Heaven instead of anywhere on this earth. The question that keeps coming to mind is why did I not feel this way before Jimmy was in Heaven? Why did I not long to be in Heaven with Jesus regardless of who else was there with him?

I am to focus on the eternal not that of this world, yet I focused more on my earthly husband than I did on my eternal husband...Jesus. I promise you my heart is in Heaven now...and I feel so much like this world is NOT my home and never will be my home. Jimmy was the best husband I could have asked for however Jesus is perfect! Why do we forget that? Why do we forget that Jesus loves us far more than any human ever could? The only thing we have to compare it to is those here on earth...but Jesus will NEVER let you down, He will NEVER say the wrong thing, He will NOT hurt you...He ONLY wants the best for you and me.

Even though I do NOT want this Christmas to come Jesus knows that and is right there beside me even though I didn't want it to come! I have to lean on Him no matter what...Jesus is unchangeable, He is the only constant in anyone's life. It makes more sense to lean on Him than to lean on any human...He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. Thank You LORD for loving me enough to carry me through this very hard time in my life. You are AMAZING!!!!

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