The person I want to be...

Recently I went out to lunch with a friend and before we left they asked me if it was ok if we prayed before we left the restaurant. It was such a blessing to me, not only being prayed for but also because it made me start to think about the person I want to be. There have been many times when I said that I would pray for someone then I go home and forget out it. I do not want to be that person.

Sometimes I put off meeting with people and sometimes I just don't feel up for it but other's I use the "I'm an introvert" excuse. Now I do understand that this is how God made me and I have to be sensitive to that however I can't seclude myself either.

{ So I started thinking about who I really want to be }

•I want to be the person that prays with people on the spot instead of putting it off for later.

•I want to be the fun person that others want to be around.

•I want to be healthy Spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

•I want to be a person that you don't have to wonder what they are thinking.

•I want to be the person who's yes is yes and no is no.

•I want to be the person that sees everything in a positive light.

•I want to be the person that loves God so much that people will never have to ask if I am a Christian.

•I want to love all of God's people even if I do not really want to love them.

•I want to be the person that is always there for others in their time of need.

I am not sure how I need to go about becoming this person. I am specifically asking all of you to pray about this for me. I know God is trying to make me a new me. So I am going to Him in prayer regarding this and am asking you to do the same. It is my hope that within the next few months that the Lord will show me how to become the person He wants me to be.

Thank you all for your prayers in advance, I don't know where I would be without the love, prayers and support of all of you!! 

Operation getting healthy...

On the exercise front...

For the past 2 weeks I have been walking 2 miles each morning other than the day that I went to Zumba after work. So in two weeks I have walked 18 miles and went to Zumba two times. I am finally starting to feel like I have more energy and I am also sleeping better...Praise God!

As for the number I have only lost 2 lbs in this two weeks. This is so very frustrating and makes me want to not keep up with the getting healthy. Please keep my motivation in your prayers as it is so hard to keep it up when the results are not really showing.

On the emotional front...

I have been having a bit of a hard time with my emotions lately. As the one year anniversary creeps up I am getting more and more emotional. I am sure this is normal but it is hard to deal with for sure. I am not having as many melt downs as the first few months but I have had a few, but mostly I am very easily irritated. I find myself getting upset about little things that I would normally not faze me at all.  

On the Spiritual front...

I have been reading the Bible on a regular basis and praying far more than before. I know this is helping me and I wish to continue for sure. Please keep this is your prayers...my desire to know the Lord more.

On the Creative front...

Nothing to report at this time. :(

Other comments...

I have been looking into grad school...it is very expensive and I need to really seek the Lord's will on this. Please keep this in your prayers as well :)

Operation getting healthy...seeing improvement

On the exercise front...

I did the walking video Monday-Friday this week which equals 5 miles. I also decided to go to a Zumba class on Saturday as well. I joined a gym last year and have not actually used the membership yet. I think it is about time to use that membership! I have increased the amount of sets in the strength training also.  I actually did 50 pushups (on my knees) on Friday morning...wow do my arms hurt. ha ha

Zumba was fun but WOW do you get workout in hour of Zumba!!!  I was dripping with sweat but feel great afterwards!!! I will be going every Saturday now and I might start going on Friday night as well once I get used to going on Saturdays :)

So what everyone has been waiting for...the numbers...ha ha! I am down 5 pounds from a week and a half ago!!! I am so excited...and want to keep it up so that the pounds just keep coming off!!

On the emotional front...

I have been doing pretty well in this area, Praise God!! Therapy is still going well I am so thankful for that as well! I have had very few melt downs lately and I praise God for that as well. As the one year anniversary keeps creeping up I am getting a little more anxious about what comes next. I am praying for more healing and a fresh new start after that awful anniversary.

On the Spiritual front...

I have been praying more and more...thank you for your prayers on this front because they sure are helping! I do need to start reading the Bible more and I feel convicted to be memorizing Scripture please continue to pray for this. I have also been going to Church more and am feeling refreshed by going...Praising God for this as well!!

On the Creative front...

I have not done much this week but I don't feel like I have to stay away from being creative and that is a huge step for sure!!

Operation getting healthy...

On the exercise front...

So this week I got my tooth pulled on Tuesday and therefore I was not able to work out on Wednesday or Thursday. But I did work out Monday, Tuesday, Friday & Saturday. So I got 4 miles in this week and added more reps to all the strength training. I am not hurting that bad (other than my behind...ha ha) with adding the reps so I will add more this coming week. I feel that I am doing a good job at keeping up with exercising and not giving up. I used to hurt real bad one day because I overdid it and then I would just stop because I didn't want to hurt that bad. So now I am taking it slow and steady as to not overdo it and quit without any results.

I am still getting up at 4:30am and working out before I go to work. I am trying to eat healthy and for the most part I do but sometimes I eat a larger portion than I should. I have kept away from the chocolate other than nutella which is so good!! Please keep praying for strength to wake up this early and make it through my day, for strength to make the right food choices and for safety as I exercise.

On the emotional front...

Wednesday was my 3 year wedding anniversary and I still can't believe that Jimmy was not here to celebrate that with me. I did make it through the day and that is another "first" that is over with...Thank God!! I think I was able to let go of Jimmy a little bit more...not that I want to I just know that I have to. I did change my relationship status on facebook which was one of my goals and that was very hard but I wanted to make sure to keep with my goal or I knew I would never do it. I feel that I am letting him go as my husband at this point. This is hard but it part of the process of grieving. Please keep me in your prayers that I continue to let go of him but not his memory. That I go through this grieving process in a healthy manor.

On the Spiritual front...

I am reading the Bible everyday still and praying more. I could do better on each of these fronts so please keep praying that I will take the time to pray each and every day and to study His word each day as well. I would also like to ask for prayer in knowing what the Lord has for me for the next step in my life. I am sensing that He might not want me to stay in Houston long term but I don't know where He is leading so please pray for clarity and peace about where He would have me to go. I am also thinking about going back to school for my masters in Social Work to ultimately be a therapist please keep this in your prayers as well, which school to go to and also the money to get the education.

On the Creative front...

Today I turned a regular notebook into a Scripture memory verse notebook that looks pretty. I made this for a friend to encourage them to memorize Scripture. I also came up with an idea for another prayer journal that I will also give to another friend. I am not pushing the card making right now but I do have a goal set for this if I do not feel like it before and that goal is after I get back from my vacation in July. I think that maybe what I will do is make Jimmy a birthday card when I get back from vacation...the last card I made was for his casket and I have had a very hard time making them again so maybe if I make one for his birthday it will be full circle and with over a year past it will be less painful. Praying for the healing in that area in order for me to be able to create cards again!  

Operation Getting Healthy

On the exercise front...

Last week I got up at 4:30am each morning and did a one mile walking video, it was hard to get up that early but I did it Monday-Friday. I was thinking that I needed to start adding in some strength training as well. So I did some pushups (girly ones...ha ha), some abs exercises and some leg exercises. I made sure to alternate between upper and lower body as to not make my muscles hurt too much. Some pain is ok but too much will cause me to stop working out all together. It is good to know your own limitations.

On Saturday I also washed the car by hand. I know that this might not seem like that much of a workout but it sure is, especially when your short and you have to climb on the car just to reach the roof :) After I washed the car I went to the pool to just lay there in the sun and listen to music...yep I am sun burnt! You would think that I would learn to put on like spf 50 sunscreen but I never do!!  I have decided that Sunday will always be a day to rest from exercising because I need a day to let my body recover.

On the emotional front...

I have had a hard week emotionally, I suspect this is due to our 3 year wedding anniversary coming up. It is so hard to believe that last year we celebrated our 2 year anniversary together and then this year he is gone. So much can change in 365 days! Wednesday May 30th would have marked 3 years of marriage for us...what does that day mean now? I don't even know!

Please pray for me on that day as it will be a very difficult day for me. I did take the day off of work as I knew that it would be an awful day for me, so that is a blessing at least.

On the Spiritual front...

I have been praying more and reading the Bible more. I am very thankful that God has placed a friend into my life that is holding me accountable for this area of my life as I have always struggled with this. I can now feel that God is right there holding me through all of this and that He is picking up the pieces of my heart. He is healing my heart and I am so thankful that He is.

On the Creative front...

I have not done anything creative this week but I am coming up with ideas of new projects. Once I get some done I will post new pictures :)

Update on getting healthy...

Thank you all for your prayers especially the last 3-4 weeks!! I was so sick with that sinus infection that I was given 3 rounds of antibiotics and then finally 6 days of steroids also. After all of that and tons of rest and time off of work I finally am feeling better. I don't think that I am 100% yet but close to it! Due to being sick I stopped working out daily as to not run my body down anymore. I did well with food choices though as I was not in the mood to eat :)

So an update on being healthy...

Physically: I did not work out the past 2 weeks but this week I did a mile on Tuesday and Thursday. Now that I did that and do not feel sick or run down I will start on Monday doing one mile each weekday. This means that I will be getting up at 4:30am in order to work out and get ready for work in time. Please pray for me to not get sick again and also to get enough sleep to help my immune system recover.

I also started taking my vitamins again as I had stopped after Jimmy's passing. When he was alive I would put all of his meds into a pill container on Sunday so that he did not forget to take any of his pills. So when I no longer had a need to do this I forgot to take my own vitamins. So due to that and all the stress that I was under my immune system took a huge hit. I am trying to build my immune system back up now by taking my vitamins, exercise and getting enough rest.

Emotionally: I started therapy 3 weeks after Jimmy's departure to Heaven and that has been a huge help. My therapist is a widow herself so she truly understands where I am coming from and tells me often that I am normal. It has been such a blessing to be able to talk to someone that understands and knows that what I am going through is awful. I feel that emotionally I am doing much better than even 2 months ago. Praise God for His healing!!

Spiritually: The last three weeks that I have been sick I have not gone to Church, I am so happy to actually feel like going to Church tomorrow. I need that connection with God and while I can read the Bible and study on my own and pray at home as well, there is a need to worship Him with others as well. So tomorrow I will be in Church again...praise God for healing me physically in order for me to be able to go back to Church.

Creativity: I actually felt creative in the past week!! I am so excited that I actually wanted to make something look pretty! I got a spiral notebook from the dollar store and wanted to turn it into a prayer journal. Here is the outcome...

Then I while back a great friend got me a spiraled index card notebook to use for Scripture memorization and I decided to make it pretty too...

Ten Months Down and a Lifetime to Go...

Psalm 23:3

He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

As I listened to my iPod on the way home last night I heard the song"When God Made You" which is the song that Jimmy and I danced to at our wedding. I was flooded with memories of our wedding and that dance. I can remember the way that he looked at me as I walked down the aisle to him, I can remember the smile on his face as we danced, I can remember the look in his eyes as we talked for the first time that day...the list goes on. If I had heard that song a month ago and all of these memories flashed before me I would have had a complete meltdown.

When I heard it yesterday I was filled with love and joy. I had been told that one day I would be able to remember Jimmy without all the pain of that dreadful day at the hospital. It looks like that is starting to happen. As I remembered our wedding day I was filled with the joy that I felt on that day, of course it is a bit different now that Jimmy is not physically here with me. However his love is and always will be in my heart. Due to this love I am able to feel the joy that I felt on that very day.

I am amazed and overwhelmed at how the Lord restores my heart and soul. I never thought that I would be able to think about Jimmy or our life together without feeling very deep pain...but here I am feeling the love and joy that I felt on our wedding day what a huge blessing. And to think it only took ten months! I thought that the pain would be my life forevermore, however God knows what is best for me and He chose to start to heal my heart. He is such an amazing God!!

Today as I remember my wonderful husband I am filled with joy, love, admiration and also with some hurt & pain. I am so thankful that I am able to draw close to God and that He will just open up His arms and let me rest in Him. What a great God we serve!!!

I do understand that I will still have meltdowns from time to time, all the pain is not gone, that my heart is not fully healed yet, that I will have times where I don't feel the love and joy however I know that this is getting to be less and less. I am so thankful to God for His healing, for His mighty love for me, for His understanding, for never leaving me or forsaking me!! I was so angry that He took Jimmy yet He loves me no matter what!

Please keep praying for Him to heal my heart, for Him to draw me closer to Himself, for me to rely on Him and not my feelings, for me to be healthy and for a desire to be healthy & for Him to guard my heart. I know He is hearing your prayers and I thank each and every one of you that have been and are praying for me. Each one of you holds a special place in my heart!

Prayers are needed now please

I started antibiotics a week ago and still am not feeling much better at all. I have been in contact with the doctor today and she called in another antibiotic, thank God! In the last 3 1/2 years I have been through a lot of stressors as I look back I am overwhelmed what the Lord has brought me through in this time. Planning a wedding, graduating college, getting married, moving halfway across the country, dealing with everyday normal marriage issues plus some that are not so normal, dealing with becoming part of another person's family, dealing with Jimmy's health concerns and him being diagnosed with diabetes & crohn's disease, finding a new church, cars breaking down, 3 new jobs for me one of which included dealing with abused children and going to court for them all the time, moving to a new place once in Texas, Jimmy's death (and all the struggles that have come with being a widow) & again finding a new church.

WOW!!!!

In the last 2 months I have made the choice to get healthy on all levels...physical, emotional & spiritual. I feel that this is the best way to honor God and also to honor my husband. Today I decided to start taking multi vitamins again and extra vitamin C I am praying that I keep it up daily as it is hard for me to remember sometimes.   I am starting to feel that this sickness is an attack of statan as he would not want me to honor God in anyway. Please pray that I stay steadfast to the Lord and that He would heal this sickness. Pray against statan's plan to make me turn away from the Lord. I want to feel better to be able exercise and also to go to work.

Thank you all for your prayers and support it is so much needed!

Update on being healthy

4:30am comes very early especially when you are exercising at that crazy hour of the day. I was able to do a walking work out Monday-Thursday this week. I would have done it on Friday and Saturday also but I found out that I have a sinus infection. I was feeling awful on Thursday but I tried to go to work on Friday anyway and sure enough I was not able to make it through the entire day. I went to the doctor and she put me on antibiotics and told me to rest. I have been taking the meds and resting, however I still don't feel much better. Please pray that these symptoms go away soon as I need to work tomorrow. Also pray that I start back to exercising once this infection goes away.

On the spiritual side...

I have been praying more and I now feel closer to God. I now understand that it was me that was not close to God not Him moving away from me. I still need to work on reading His word more. I want to seek Him in everything I do and in all areas of my life. I ONLY want what HE wants for me. Please pray that I seek His will no matter what and that I find the time to read His word more often.

On the creative side...

Still have not felt like doing ANYTHING creative. I guess this will just take lots of time to get back to my creative side. Please keep praying that my creative abilities come back in some form.

Thank you all for your prayers and support...you are very much appreciated!

Back at it again...getting healthy

Update on getting healthy:

After my 2 mile walk outside 2 weeks ago my heart was racing for at least an hour after. So I went to see the Dr. today. She told me that it is still safe to exercise but to ensure that I slowly build up to make sure that I am not putting too much stress on my heart. So I think that for the next month I will be doing my in-home walking video or taking a short walk outside.

As for food choices...I have been doing pretty well. Going into the clearance Easter candy aisle was a huge mistake last week though. Please keep my in your prayers as I seek to not even bring the sweets into the house. When it comes to chocolate I have zero will power. I have been thinking about doing a fast. I am thinking that I might eat only veggies, beans, rice and dairy for at least a week. I think that my body could use a fast of sugar/starch, I think this will also help me to not crave sugar so much also. Please keep that in your prayers as well, that if this is what the Lord wants me to do that He will show me clearly.

As for creativity...I got my colored pencils in but have yet to use them. I have been cooking more though which is also an outlet for creativity for me. I made Saag Paneer http://allrecipes.com/recipe/absolutely-perfect-palak-paneer/ this week and it turned out great. It was the first time that I made it and I am happy with how well it turned out. Who knows it just might be a staple if I start the fast :)

The Spiritual side...I have been slacking on reading the Bible daily and even praying. Please keep praying for me to seek the Lord no matter what and even if it means that I have to get up early. Please pray that the Lord would give me the strength to get through each day, that I seek the Lord in all I do and for safety as I start exercising on a regular basis.

Week 2 getting healthy...

The exercise thing...

I vacuumed the entire house in 45-60min, I took a 2mile walk outside (it felt great), washed the car. The car washing brought up memories of Jimmy and I doing this task together and I was actually able to smile at the memories, thank God for that! The car could use being washed again because I missed some spots but I will get to that next weekend again, this saves money by not going to a car wash...by not going somewhere to tan...and also gives me exercise...I call that win, win, win!!!

Food this week...

I think I did pretty well but I have been craving sweets far too much so I did "cheat" so to speak.  I have been eating a lot of Mediterranean food and love it...tastes good and good for you!

On the creative side of things...

I have been trying to find a way in which I want to be creative again since it has been hard for me to make cards and take pictures. So I was thinking that I have not drawn since I was in high school or maybe college (the early years ;). I am going to try to draw one of the pictures I have of Max that I just love. So I went to Hobby Lobby to get some colored pencils and oh my was I shocked at the prices they want. So I went onto Amazon and found the same thing for more than half the price...so I ordered them!! I can't wait to get started on a picture of my wonderful "son". I will keep you updated on my progress :)

On the Spiritual side of things...

I have been reading the Bible daily, and writing in my prayer journal most days. I am starting to seek the LORD again on a daily basis and I know it is helping in my everyday life. Thank you all so much for your support and prayers. They are so much needed at this time. Please keep praying for my motivation in all areas of my life, for my creativity to come back in whatever form the LORD wants, for me to walk the path the HE has for me and seek HIM in all that I do. I am so blessed to be able to call each of your friend, thank you for sticking by me as I walk through this difficult journey.

Getting Healthy

I have decided that I need to get healthy, not only to lose weight but also to become healthy in general.  Due to the fact that I had to deal with many medical issues with Jimmy I feel that this is the best way to honor him.  Do I need to lose weight yes, but I also need to make better choices regarding food to make sure that I will be healthy for the future. I remember telling Jimmy that he needed to care for himself in order for us to be together longer...and I wish that we would have had many more years together but that is not what happened. But I can make sure that I stay healthy in his honor! I will try to tell you all how I am doing weekly through the blog. I want to ask all of you to help keep me accountable if I don't report back because that probably means that I am slacking.

So week one started on Tuesday, March 27th.

First week I did a walking work out that involves all parts of the body not just walking.

6 miles (Tue - Fri)

Food--

There was only one day of bad choices =D (I think that I need to let myself "cheat" so to speak sometimes or I will just stop all together)

My motto is everything in moderation...exercise, food & spending time with others...all while putting God first. Please pray that I keep this up because I have tried this more than once and failed each time.