Some Realizations...

First you find out who really cares about you when you say you are moving. Some people want to see me then others would be ok if I had moved yesterday. When I turned in my resignation at work they told me that they would pay through the end of the month when I said I would work until but that I did not need to come back in to work. Therefore Monday was my last day working, there have only been a few people get in contact with me from work.

It will be good to see who my real friends are through this move. There is no need for me to continue to keep people in my life that don't really care about me. It will be good to start this new chapter in my life with those people who truly want the best for me.

The next thing I noticed is that my appetite is back!! To be honest I had not realized that I did not really have any appetite until it came back this week. As I think back it has been since Jimmy passed away that I have not had my "real" appetite. I didn't care about what food I ate or if I even ate at all. Since I have been off of work I have been hungry nonstop & I actually know what food I want to eat!!

I am thankful that I now have an appetite because it was a struggle to eat when I had no idea what I wanted to eat. Yesterday I had red beans and rice and it tasted great!! I made French toast this morning for breakfast and also had cereal for a snack. I am looking forward to cooking again and eating as well. It is so awesome to feel somewhat "normal" again.

Yesterday I set a goal for myself to do something creative. I didn't want to set a goal something specific just that I do something. So I started crocheting a scarf for myself. It has been so long since I needed a scarf so the thought it would be fun to make one for this year. Of course it is purple! I picked out this yarn awhile ago and it is 4 shades of purple...I love it! I am going to see if I can also teach myself how to make a hat so I can have a hat to match.

 

I really  hope this is the start of me being creative again for good. I have missed being creative so much and it is so nice to do something creative now. I am also enjoying actually knowing what I want to eat and having the desire to cook. I am so thankful to the LORD for helping me to find a "new normal"!!!

Operation getting healthy...seeing improvement

On the exercise front...

I did the walking video Monday-Friday this week which equals 5 miles. I also decided to go to a Zumba class on Saturday as well. I joined a gym last year and have not actually used the membership yet. I think it is about time to use that membership! I have increased the amount of sets in the strength training also.  I actually did 50 pushups (on my knees) on Friday morning...wow do my arms hurt. ha ha

Zumba was fun but WOW do you get workout in hour of Zumba!!!  I was dripping with sweat but feel great afterwards!!! I will be going every Saturday now and I might start going on Friday night as well once I get used to going on Saturdays :)

So what everyone has been waiting for...the numbers...ha ha! I am down 5 pounds from a week and a half ago!!! I am so excited...and want to keep it up so that the pounds just keep coming off!!

On the emotional front...

I have been doing pretty well in this area, Praise God!! Therapy is still going well I am so thankful for that as well! I have had very few melt downs lately and I praise God for that as well. As the one year anniversary keeps creeping up I am getting a little more anxious about what comes next. I am praying for more healing and a fresh new start after that awful anniversary.

On the Spiritual front...

I have been praying more and more...thank you for your prayers on this front because they sure are helping! I do need to start reading the Bible more and I feel convicted to be memorizing Scripture please continue to pray for this. I have also been going to Church more and am feeling refreshed by going...Praising God for this as well!!

On the Creative front...

I have not done much this week but I don't feel like I have to stay away from being creative and that is a huge step for sure!!

Operation getting healthy...

On the exercise front...

So this week I got my tooth pulled on Tuesday and therefore I was not able to work out on Wednesday or Thursday. But I did work out Monday, Tuesday, Friday & Saturday. So I got 4 miles in this week and added more reps to all the strength training. I am not hurting that bad (other than my behind...ha ha) with adding the reps so I will add more this coming week. I feel that I am doing a good job at keeping up with exercising and not giving up. I used to hurt real bad one day because I overdid it and then I would just stop because I didn't want to hurt that bad. So now I am taking it slow and steady as to not overdo it and quit without any results.

I am still getting up at 4:30am and working out before I go to work. I am trying to eat healthy and for the most part I do but sometimes I eat a larger portion than I should. I have kept away from the chocolate other than nutella which is so good!! Please keep praying for strength to wake up this early and make it through my day, for strength to make the right food choices and for safety as I exercise.

On the emotional front...

Wednesday was my 3 year wedding anniversary and I still can't believe that Jimmy was not here to celebrate that with me. I did make it through the day and that is another "first" that is over with...Thank God!! I think I was able to let go of Jimmy a little bit more...not that I want to I just know that I have to. I did change my relationship status on facebook which was one of my goals and that was very hard but I wanted to make sure to keep with my goal or I knew I would never do it. I feel that I am letting him go as my husband at this point. This is hard but it part of the process of grieving. Please keep me in your prayers that I continue to let go of him but not his memory. That I go through this grieving process in a healthy manor.

On the Spiritual front...

I am reading the Bible everyday still and praying more. I could do better on each of these fronts so please keep praying that I will take the time to pray each and every day and to study His word each day as well. I would also like to ask for prayer in knowing what the Lord has for me for the next step in my life. I am sensing that He might not want me to stay in Houston long term but I don't know where He is leading so please pray for clarity and peace about where He would have me to go. I am also thinking about going back to school for my masters in Social Work to ultimately be a therapist please keep this in your prayers as well, which school to go to and also the money to get the education.

On the Creative front...

Today I turned a regular notebook into a Scripture memory verse notebook that looks pretty. I made this for a friend to encourage them to memorize Scripture. I also came up with an idea for another prayer journal that I will also give to another friend. I am not pushing the card making right now but I do have a goal set for this if I do not feel like it before and that goal is after I get back from my vacation in July. I think that maybe what I will do is make Jimmy a birthday card when I get back from vacation...the last card I made was for his casket and I have had a very hard time making them again so maybe if I make one for his birthday it will be full circle and with over a year past it will be less painful. Praying for the healing in that area in order for me to be able to create cards again!  

Operation Getting Healthy

On the exercise front...

Last week I got up at 4:30am each morning and did a one mile walking video, it was hard to get up that early but I did it Monday-Friday. I was thinking that I needed to start adding in some strength training as well. So I did some pushups (girly ones...ha ha), some abs exercises and some leg exercises. I made sure to alternate between upper and lower body as to not make my muscles hurt too much. Some pain is ok but too much will cause me to stop working out all together. It is good to know your own limitations.

On Saturday I also washed the car by hand. I know that this might not seem like that much of a workout but it sure is, especially when your short and you have to climb on the car just to reach the roof :) After I washed the car I went to the pool to just lay there in the sun and listen to music...yep I am sun burnt! You would think that I would learn to put on like spf 50 sunscreen but I never do!!  I have decided that Sunday will always be a day to rest from exercising because I need a day to let my body recover.

On the emotional front...

I have had a hard week emotionally, I suspect this is due to our 3 year wedding anniversary coming up. It is so hard to believe that last year we celebrated our 2 year anniversary together and then this year he is gone. So much can change in 365 days! Wednesday May 30th would have marked 3 years of marriage for us...what does that day mean now? I don't even know!

Please pray for me on that day as it will be a very difficult day for me. I did take the day off of work as I knew that it would be an awful day for me, so that is a blessing at least.

On the Spiritual front...

I have been praying more and reading the Bible more. I am very thankful that God has placed a friend into my life that is holding me accountable for this area of my life as I have always struggled with this. I can now feel that God is right there holding me through all of this and that He is picking up the pieces of my heart. He is healing my heart and I am so thankful that He is.

On the Creative front...

I have not done anything creative this week but I am coming up with ideas of new projects. Once I get some done I will post new pictures :)

Update on getting healthy...

Thank you all for your prayers especially the last 3-4 weeks!! I was so sick with that sinus infection that I was given 3 rounds of antibiotics and then finally 6 days of steroids also. After all of that and tons of rest and time off of work I finally am feeling better. I don't think that I am 100% yet but close to it! Due to being sick I stopped working out daily as to not run my body down anymore. I did well with food choices though as I was not in the mood to eat :)

So an update on being healthy...

Physically: I did not work out the past 2 weeks but this week I did a mile on Tuesday and Thursday. Now that I did that and do not feel sick or run down I will start on Monday doing one mile each weekday. This means that I will be getting up at 4:30am in order to work out and get ready for work in time. Please pray for me to not get sick again and also to get enough sleep to help my immune system recover.

I also started taking my vitamins again as I had stopped after Jimmy's passing. When he was alive I would put all of his meds into a pill container on Sunday so that he did not forget to take any of his pills. So when I no longer had a need to do this I forgot to take my own vitamins. So due to that and all the stress that I was under my immune system took a huge hit. I am trying to build my immune system back up now by taking my vitamins, exercise and getting enough rest.

Emotionally: I started therapy 3 weeks after Jimmy's departure to Heaven and that has been a huge help. My therapist is a widow herself so she truly understands where I am coming from and tells me often that I am normal. It has been such a blessing to be able to talk to someone that understands and knows that what I am going through is awful. I feel that emotionally I am doing much better than even 2 months ago. Praise God for His healing!!

Spiritually: The last three weeks that I have been sick I have not gone to Church, I am so happy to actually feel like going to Church tomorrow. I need that connection with God and while I can read the Bible and study on my own and pray at home as well, there is a need to worship Him with others as well. So tomorrow I will be in Church again...praise God for healing me physically in order for me to be able to go back to Church.

Creativity: I actually felt creative in the past week!! I am so excited that I actually wanted to make something look pretty! I got a spiral notebook from the dollar store and wanted to turn it into a prayer journal. Here is the outcome...

Then I while back a great friend got me a spiraled index card notebook to use for Scripture memorization and I decided to make it pretty too...

Update on being healthy

4:30am comes very early especially when you are exercising at that crazy hour of the day. I was able to do a walking work out Monday-Thursday this week. I would have done it on Friday and Saturday also but I found out that I have a sinus infection. I was feeling awful on Thursday but I tried to go to work on Friday anyway and sure enough I was not able to make it through the entire day. I went to the doctor and she put me on antibiotics and told me to rest. I have been taking the meds and resting, however I still don't feel much better. Please pray that these symptoms go away soon as I need to work tomorrow. Also pray that I start back to exercising once this infection goes away.

On the spiritual side...

I have been praying more and I now feel closer to God. I now understand that it was me that was not close to God not Him moving away from me. I still need to work on reading His word more. I want to seek Him in everything I do and in all areas of my life. I ONLY want what HE wants for me. Please pray that I seek His will no matter what and that I find the time to read His word more often.

On the creative side...

Still have not felt like doing ANYTHING creative. I guess this will just take lots of time to get back to my creative side. Please keep praying that my creative abilities come back in some form.

Thank you all for your prayers and support...you are very much appreciated!

Back at it again...getting healthy

Update on getting healthy:

After my 2 mile walk outside 2 weeks ago my heart was racing for at least an hour after. So I went to see the Dr. today. She told me that it is still safe to exercise but to ensure that I slowly build up to make sure that I am not putting too much stress on my heart. So I think that for the next month I will be doing my in-home walking video or taking a short walk outside.

As for food choices...I have been doing pretty well. Going into the clearance Easter candy aisle was a huge mistake last week though. Please keep my in your prayers as I seek to not even bring the sweets into the house. When it comes to chocolate I have zero will power. I have been thinking about doing a fast. I am thinking that I might eat only veggies, beans, rice and dairy for at least a week. I think that my body could use a fast of sugar/starch, I think this will also help me to not crave sugar so much also. Please keep that in your prayers as well, that if this is what the Lord wants me to do that He will show me clearly.

As for creativity...I got my colored pencils in but have yet to use them. I have been cooking more though which is also an outlet for creativity for me. I made Saag Paneer http://allrecipes.com/recipe/absolutely-perfect-palak-paneer/ this week and it turned out great. It was the first time that I made it and I am happy with how well it turned out. Who knows it just might be a staple if I start the fast :)

The Spiritual side...I have been slacking on reading the Bible daily and even praying. Please keep praying for me to seek the Lord no matter what and even if it means that I have to get up early. Please pray that the Lord would give me the strength to get through each day, that I seek the Lord in all I do and for safety as I start exercising on a regular basis.

Week 2 getting healthy...

The exercise thing...

I vacuumed the entire house in 45-60min, I took a 2mile walk outside (it felt great), washed the car. The car washing brought up memories of Jimmy and I doing this task together and I was actually able to smile at the memories, thank God for that! The car could use being washed again because I missed some spots but I will get to that next weekend again, this saves money by not going to a car wash...by not going somewhere to tan...and also gives me exercise...I call that win, win, win!!!

Food this week...

I think I did pretty well but I have been craving sweets far too much so I did "cheat" so to speak.  I have been eating a lot of Mediterranean food and love it...tastes good and good for you!

On the creative side of things...

I have been trying to find a way in which I want to be creative again since it has been hard for me to make cards and take pictures. So I was thinking that I have not drawn since I was in high school or maybe college (the early years ;). I am going to try to draw one of the pictures I have of Max that I just love. So I went to Hobby Lobby to get some colored pencils and oh my was I shocked at the prices they want. So I went onto Amazon and found the same thing for more than half the price...so I ordered them!! I can't wait to get started on a picture of my wonderful "son". I will keep you updated on my progress :)

On the Spiritual side of things...

I have been reading the Bible daily, and writing in my prayer journal most days. I am starting to seek the LORD again on a daily basis and I know it is helping in my everyday life. Thank you all so much for your support and prayers. They are so much needed at this time. Please keep praying for my motivation in all areas of my life, for my creativity to come back in whatever form the LORD wants, for me to walk the path the HE has for me and seek HIM in all that I do. I am so blessed to be able to call each of your friend, thank you for sticking by me as I walk through this difficult journey.