3 Years of Marriage

Since I am not legally married anymore I guess that today isn't really my wedding anniversary, however my heart is still married.

{The heart is a funny thing...it does not pay attention to the law.}

How can it be that I am not really married but my heart is still married? Will my heart always be married? Will I ever be able to let go of the past in order to move on with the future? I am sure that one day I will be able to move onto the future and not focus on the past, I just pray that it happens soon.

Today I am going out to lunch with a friend, then to the grave and then back home to watch our wedding video. I feel that watching the video will help me to remember my wonderful husband but also to put our marriage into the past for me. This might sound harsh to some of you, but the reality is that he is no longer my husband. I will see him again but even in Heaven he will not be my husband, Jesus will take that role in my life once I am in Heaven not Jimmy.

Our First Anniversary 

I want to take the time to celebrate the wonderful husband that Jimmy was. He loved me without conditions...no matter what he loved me. I once told him that every time we hung up the phone I wanted to say "I love you"  because it could be the last time we hear it from the other one as you never know when the Lord will call you home. As Jimmy was being wheeled to the OR the day he was called home his last words were "I love you."  I believe that he knew it would be the last time I heard it and made sure that it was the last thing that he said to me.

He was so caring and a great protector. He always cared more about my feelings than he did his own. He would ask me if I felt loved all the time as he knew that when I felt loved that in turn I knew that he was taking care of me. I had to go to the dentist yesterday and get a tooth pulled and I realized this morning that Jimmy would have stayed home today with me not just because it is our anniversary but also because he would want to take care of me in my time of need. Every time I had a migraine he would make me go to bed and then he would get me everything that I needed. He would not let me get up for anything other than to use the restroom. He was so amazing.

He was a hero in my eyes! He would have done anything and everything that I needed and most of what I wanted also ;) He went to work every day no matter how much pain he was in. Even though he dealt with pain on a daily basis due to crohn's disease, he always had a smile on his face. Even when he was in the hospital with huge amounts of pain he would always say..."but God is good!!" How amazing that he could see the greatness of God no matter what. He was my hero for sure.

Jimmy made me a better me! He helped me to let go of fears, to let go of qualities that are not of God, to see people how the Lord sees them, to love without conditions, to love God more than any human being (still learning this one)...the list goes on. He only wanted the best for me and did not settle for good but made sure that I strived for great. He truly brought out the best in me and I am so thankful for him and for the fact that he helped me to become a better person.

My Best Friend

Thank you Lord for the 2 years of marriage to such an amazing man, thank you for the 3 1/2 years that I had with him, thank you for allowing me the privilege to have such an amazing hero in my life and for giving him to me to care for and to have as a best friend!! God you are so amazing!!

Our Second Anniversary