I had no idea that Mother's Day would hit me so hard this
year. I guess this comes from the grief of the loss of our future. Jimmy and I
were planning on having children but we were having problems in that area of
our life. I believe that God gave us both a desire in our hearts to adopt even
before marriage because He knew what we both would deal with in our married
life.
It has been my hearts to desire to be a mother for as long
as I can remember, I am now seeking for the Lord to give me the desires HE has
for me only. If He wants me to be a mother then He will make that happen, I
just need to step back and let HIM do that. I guess what scares me is that
being a mom just might not be what He wants for me.
How can this desire that I have had since childhood not be
what the future holds for me? Why did I ever have that desire in the first
place? Did I put that in my heart due to media and what others showed me was
"right" for a little girl? Did I long to be a mother just in order to
be loved unconditionally and to love unconditionally? These are questions that
I need to seek the Lord about and ask for His wisdom because I know I can't
trust my own feelings and heart right now. Please join me in prayer as I seek
what the Lord has for me in this area of my life.
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